Sunday, August 30, 2009

On someone's demand

Well, I am actually quite lazy to update my blog but since so many people keep asking i will find something to post...

On friday which is 3 or 4 days ago, I went to City Harvest Church drama production and the title of the production is "Will you marry me". The storyline is good and of course the actor and actresses are brilliant which make the whole production a success. The story was so touching that it actually touch so many people's heart including myself especially when the main actor's mom pass away. This really inspire me to appreciate people who loves you rather then mourn for the people that does not care for you.

Anyway, just hope that my life will get better as time pass and slowly regain back what i should be doing and be on track in my life....For now i guess the only thing i can do is do preserve myself and pray....


P.S
Do you know how much I miss you?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Something I found out about me

Have not been updating my blog cause I do not want to...Many people are starting to read my blog and i might offend them without me knowing....After going through some checkups, i am having anxiety disorder and it has been hunting me for the past 1 month and I do not like the feeling... I need treatment and I am undergoing it.

When I was going through treatment, I notice many things about me.... All these while I have not really do anything for myself. I study for my mom, I desperately wan a girlfriend because I want my mom and my grandmother to be happy. I do so many things because of the 2 important people in my life until i neglect mine. I should start doing things for myself,not for them.

The 2nd, I need to be loved...when I was going through i know that I want someone to loved me because I lack of love since long ago till i forgot when it was the last time. Besides that, I guess what goes around comes around...I will never be able to get the person that I might fall for...


Besides the above, I want to get my life out of my college friends life...They might always think in their heart that I might offend them but do you all put yourself in my shoe and think. I am very dissapointed especially those who believe in other people rather than me and u call that friends. I am so sorry but i guess if that is what you think, our frienship is over. People asked for help and i tried to help and i got scolding, that is just so good...I got the blame , I got the scolding and i am the 1 need to apologize...The funniest thing on earth, and I did apologize because i really put friendship as my frist priority but I guess this will be my last. I just really could not trust any1, I am so sorry...I tried but i been hurt 5 times already and is different people, i just have a barrier there...


I do not have the mood to play games anymore, maybe is because the promise that i have made? I do not have the fire or the eager to actually play the games where I was very good at it, I some sort like give up...


I so badly want to cry but my tears could never come out, I want to do so is because when my tears come out at least i might heal abit but i just could not cry!!!

On monday there was a BBQ party when i send my friends back I saw the mter went up high, I stopped and fix it, i actually thought of why not i just dissappear like dat but I just could not do it, I cant afford to make my mom worry plus my friends are with me I must send them home safely even if it cost anything...I wander if i just dissappear will any1 actually notice? Will any1 find out what happen?? Will it actually make a difference? Will some1 actually feel guilty? Will some1 regret for not telling me something? Will my friends regret that they did nto spend time with me? There is just so many question that I could not answer..

I just want to forget all the bad experience but why I just cant...anyway I better go to sleep before my parents wake up..


P.S
I tried so hard and do everything I could,
But I just could not get what I wanted,
Which is actually you.