the 13th day without sharon (cool, night)

I call her to wake her up this morning but i could not get her so i sms her hoping that she will receive and she did but was late... We did not chat much until around 7 something where i call her up..

I try something where I never try before... which is saying out about the feelings that was trap inside my heart... the weirdest thing is I am telling the problems that I have in my heart to the person which is the problem i want to solve... Anyway i ask her to act as a tree hole and i would spit out everything and I did i feel so relieved after that... She promised to forget what i say after i spit out all the uneasiness that i had and she did... I thank her for doing that...

I can feel that she is getting more and more stress each time but i cannot do anything to help her... I can only give my emotional support and i hope it would help her...I guess today diary will be short because it is sweet and simple..that all for tonight will try to wake her up again tomorrow...

P.S : I really love her for who she is

the 12th day without sharon (Cool, night)

Today I was so worried about her that my heart nearly pop out... I sms her and called her but the phone say "Sorry the number you have dialled is not in service" I am alright if sharon dont reply smses because sometimes people are busy and stuff but when i heard the sentence above I was starting to get worried and wanting to know what happen... Luckily she is alright..i was so worried is due my past experience and stuff anyway she is okay that is the most important thing...

Besides that I sms her and we talk about our past, she seems to remember what we do and the feeling of it... Well she is not mine anymore... I should have love her more and more often i should spend more time with her...

I finally know what the show means... In the show Alfread says that "when you love someone you feel that everything you do is not enough, instead you want to spend the rest of your time taking care of her and protecting her... I understand what it means and it really fits my feeling... She is stress i can sense it but i just do not know what to do... I am afraid that the more stuff I do the more stress she become... Well i guess i just got to take that risk... time to prepare for my classes tomorrow... I will make sure she reach home and sleep safely before I go to bed is my duty and is what i can do for now...

If Sharon is still with me or she willing to come back to me I will say this to her

我不允许你哭，因为有我在你还哭的话，就证明我没用，那还要我干什么？！­

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我不允许你和别的男孩子晚上在外面玩，不是我不信任你，在心胸阔的男孩子也会吃醋的，更何况我是那么的在乎你！­

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我不允许你不吃饭，人是铁饭是钢，身体是革命的本钱，我不想你死我前头！­

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我不允许你熬夜，理由和第二条一样，身体是革命的本钱，我不想你死我前头！­

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我不允许你干体力活，有我在你凭什么那么累，乖乖的给我擦汗，倒水喝！­

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我不允许你起的比我早，别废话，让你睡你就睡，睡饱了好起来吃我做的早餐！­

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我不允许你单独一个人走夜路，因为有我在我永远不会让你一个人走！­

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我不允许你吃醋，开玩笑，我那么专一，我如果在你面前多看别的女生一眼，我把自己剁了！­

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我不允许你喝酒，不是不让你喝，少喝可以，喝多了伤身体！­

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我不允许你把手弄伤，一个女生最漂亮的除了脸蛋就是手了，你要爱护啊！­

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我不允许你不信任我,我对你承诺的话,说过的话,答应你的一切我都会做到! ­

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我不允许你不理我，你在我心中是那么重要，没有你我会很不自在，不要折磨我好吗？­

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我不允许你和我斗嘴，我让着你你才能赢，到现在和女生打嘴架除了我让着的，要不没有能赢我的！­

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我不允许你孤单，我的爱和思念会时刻陪在你左右，有它们陪你，你不会感到孤单！­

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我不允许你下雨不打伞,虽然女人是水做的,但淋湿了会感冒, 我会心疼! ­

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我不允许你生气,有我在你会很开心的,哪怕是天塌了,我也要先把你逗笑! ­

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我不允许你不听话,你如果问我为什么强行抱你去医院的话, 我只回答一句话:"因为你是我的!" ­

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我不允许你吓我,我很胆小,不要用任何事吓我,我会很害怕! ­

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我不允许你打我,不要打了,你的手会很痛的,我很抗打哦! ­

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我不允许你大声的跟我喊，省省吧，嗓子不痛吗？喊坏了我还心疼呢！­

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我不允许你独自过马路，现在的司机很猛的，我要牵着你的手，把你平安的送到对面！­

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我不允许你懦弱，你要非常强悍，我这么不听话，你要管得住我哦！­

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我不允许你斤斤计较，做女人要看的开，心胸广阔才能快乐，听话哦！­

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我不允许你是最快乐的，因为拥有你，我已经是世上最快乐的了，所以你只能排第二了！­

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我不允许你不说话，宝贝，我们也需要交流，就算是我单方面的赔礼道歉你也应该给点面子说声：“原谅你吧！”­

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我不允许你要风度不要温度，多穿点吧，天冷会感冒的，不管你穿的怎么样，你在我眼里都是最美的！­

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我不允许你减肥，我的爱跟你的体重没关系，你要坚信无论你变成什么样，我都爱你！­

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我不允许你迷惘，小傻瓜不许怀疑我是否爱你！­

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我不允许你去远的地方不告诉我,那样我一定会疯的! ­

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我不允许你………………­

The 11th days without sharon (cool , night)

I just could not believe i will post another post this fast... Today went to Service with her...It feels like a total stranger to me... I can feel that she is not comfortable with me..It makes me real sad... I even got jealous when I saw a guy take his phone up.. I do not know whether that guys is going after her but it just make me jealous...

It feels like i am back to square 1 again...Is like she does not even care about my presence at all..I guess i am just 1 sided she never want to come back to me ever but I just do not want to give up..Especially when i heard my mom still want migrate to U.S I really want to spend even more time with her but it will just force her away... Hope that she will take her lunch if not she will get gastric later on.. Anyway will update everything during the night..

Finally is night...I sms her and she had fun in her drama.... i saw 2 new guys added her in FB my heart feel so unwell...this is the feeling of jealousy but i cannot do anything about it...she is no more mine...if she is mine i wont feel jealous at all but now haix... At least now she is sleeping nicely... i guess i will stop here need to her up at 6am ^^

The 10h days without sharon (hot, night)

Well suddenly thought of the show "Heart of Greed" where they broke up and the guy starting writing about the days without his girlfriend.. lets see how long can i do this :)

Its been exact 11 days where we broke up..and the day we broke up is our 4th month anniversary.... I was so regret that I was too late to solve the problem between us... I am willing to sacrifice anything just to get that day to fix the problem but is just too late.. Even just by thinking of it makes me feel really sad..but is all over at least we are still communicating with each other now and we share many things that we did not share when we are together.

During the process, we even argue about what we did not like about each other and i remember the day was Thursday...Friday was cell group and I pick her up and her friends.. We seem like we are normal and doing things what we usually do when we are together but the is a wall putting that we are not together.. After CG Ian went to look for her and ask her about many things and when she joined in to my CG i can feel an uncomfortable aura coming and i saw sharon.. At first i thought is just something wrong with me but as time pass this feeling cant go away so i decide to leave due to it and also my mom wants me to be back.. Before i leave the house I was actually waiting... Waiting for what? I was waiting for her to ask whether she want to follow me back? It did not happen so I leave... When i finally got home I text her and ask her whether there is something wrong? She answer yea, so it make sense that i can sense the discomfort in her.. and I got to know that she actually want to go home she wanted to ask me to send her back but she did not...Communication break down!!! I was waiting for her and she was waiting for me...This is really like in the drama...well i learn my lesson, next time i will ask...

Saturday.. I wake her up for jungle trekking but she woke up before i manage to wake her... and time pass and i text her asking how was it and the conversation continues... This time i requested for her to text me first and she did, in a way i really want her to appreciate me so i did that...She was stress and afraid so i try to find ways to help her get through it but it was not really successful even I did not manage to make her happy.. For that moment I really gone blank, I really do not know what to do but i think of something and manage to make a smile little... I think if i were there beside her things will be different but i cant... Now we finally conclude that we will be going SVC together tomorrow...Although I am not her boyfriend and i might not be able to get her back especially if i do all these but I just could stop because I love her too much.. I could not bear to see her suffer... Anyway lets see how things goes tomorrow... Got to get to bed.. need to have full concentration to make her happy