A secret I could not tell

Today C say she was disappointed at me after i told her about my past relationship with my ex.
She say i did not put enough effort in the relationship. No doubt she is right, I really did not put enough effort but i really took the initiative to put effort in it. For all my past relationship, this is the 1 that i have put in the most effort but yet i still got blame. After that, C say that i am using my ex just to get out of my responsibilities. I really have nothing to say when she say that, i somehow felt that my effort for what i do is a big waste. They always think that I am so free and i have nothing to do but is the other way round. I am NOT GOD i need time to rest, i thought people and even god always say do not expect anything good in return when you do something but they did not say that expect something bad in return!!!!
I know that something bad like this would happen if i do this but i really did not expect it will turn out this bad. I really have no idea who to share my problems, this betraying or maybe a trusting thing have always been affecting me since std 6 and i just could not get over it and it is happening again now. I remember C and J always say i can trust them and i nearly did fully trust them but what they show me is the other way. I have so much burden on me, I know to some of you people it is just normal but I could not take it. I have burden of klang camp committee, KL camp committee, Student Council, my coll life( assignment etc), Cell group, friends and the most burden come from my friends. I bet you guys will say if you could not handle it, why do you take up so many things. To tell you all, I did reject some of it but they just keep forcing me and say that the other thing is a small thing, this is more important. If everyone say that then which is the most important thing??? I DO NOT EVEN HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF!!!! Even my sleep I just only sleep 2-4 hours a day (this is why my friends always say why do you always look so sleepy). I have dreams and academic standard, that i want to achieve but all these burden keeps me away from it. Even some people ask me i thought you like basketball alot, why i do not see you coming to play anymore?? I have to rebel what my heart say and tell Nope since when i like basketball??? ( this is only 1 of the example) People always ask me try to achieve it slowly and i did, but what did i get from my friends, they say that why are you suddenly so Irresponsible????
After talking to C, i know why i broke up with my ex. It is because of the burden, i find it as a burden and not the feeling when i first started the relationship with her. This is why i started to give up on her and let her go. Maybe i need to go find my ex and just be frank with her about it.
I guess C does not want to talk to me anymore after feeling disappointed in me. I just hope that time will heal our friendship.

WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO GET MY TIMEOUT???