Is sunday and I had a nightmare. This is the nightmare that I never want to have again because it really make me feel so useless. The nightmare is about I could not protect my love one's. This time is a guy bug into the house and he start bullying and torturing my loved 1 and i notice something was wrong due to my sixth sense, i hurry home and it really happen so I got into a fight with that guy. I manage to beat him up but the guy does not feel any pain. Instead he keep laughing because he manage to torture my loved 1. No matter how hard i hit he still laugh and when i looked at the condition of my loved 1, I shouted and cry. After that I woke up, it really feels real because my throat feels pain and my eyes are wet. Anyway go on to my life, I had a small argument with her again today because she says she sometimes feel angry when she read about my blog. I was shock and also angry because when i ask her how she feel, she did not tell me that she is angry but in end, we solve it in a mature way. After i got back home, I got another argument with my friend. I am already tired and i have many things to do but my friend keep bugging me to accompany him but he leave me alone. I really want to call someone to talk and i thought of her but she is already sleeping plus she is sick so I do not want to disturb her. I really need support but who could i get it from??
Monday, I finally share out some of my things that i seldom share to Sharon. She is also wants to know about it. I only tell her minor details due to the time constrain. After her nap her sore throat got worse, and she went tuition without bringing water. She is 17 but it seems like she do not know how to take care of herself, when i thought of it I just find it very cute(do not know how to describe my feeling). After that I went to POS for practice. I had lots of stress there because I am worry about the flyer. I really do not want anyone that fly on my set got injured because I did it once and i do not want it to happen again. I remember once where i save my flyer, I saw blood and I got panic. I say are you okay and they say yea I am fine but you are bleeding then only i notice that it was me that got injured not the flyer. Anyway I do not mind getting hurt as long as the flyer is safe. Even though it was stressful but I had much fun and I really do not feel like going back because when i go back i need to live my reality life again. I went to buy strepsils for Sharon because her throat feels pain and she got bit of flu so I try to get the strepils with bit of vitamin C in it for her because she do not have vitamin C.
Coming to my part, I am really getting emo. The dream keep haunting me till i really could not sleep. The dream went away after I start to get close with Sharon and become her Bf last year but now it comes back and it worse than ever. I guess she made the right decision to broke off with me. I could not even make my girlfriend comfortable with me and I gave her so much pressure. I guess she does not feel secure at all. Just like in my dream I could not even protect my loved 1. I guess i really should not ask for a second chance anymore i will just make her suffer. I guess i should also disappear away from her so that she can lived her happy life without a useless guy like me making her suffer so much. I guess I should also stop blogging to erase my life away from her. Lets see how things goes.
P.S: I really want to disappear away but I still want to protect her from harm. What should I do?
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